I’M STILL STANDING: CAUSE HE KEEPS ON LOOKING OUT FOR ME
I’M STILL STANDING
CAUSE HE KEEPS ON LOOKIN’ OUT FOR ME
Every time I look back
And every time I think back
On all the stuff I've been through
I've prayed through I cried through
And then I tried you and just
When I was about to fall
Your love caught me when your name I called
Jesus you keep on lookin' out for me
Lookin’ Out For Me - Kirk Franklin
This past 12-18 months, maybe even longer, have been rough. I recently got divorced from the women I just knew God blessed me with to spend the rest of my days, and thought it was the end of the world. I was goin through a mid-life crisis, both professionally and personally. I am 42 years old and have been in the music business doin one thing or another for about 22 years.
I have seen my peers go on to be Editor-In-Chiefs of some of the biggest music publications out there and could get a return phone call. Get major jobs at some of the biggest record companies and a few went on to start their own thing and become successful. Most I was there and helped them when they were getting started. I'm not talking about someone you knew who they were because you have seen them a few times, I’m talking about people I came up with, helped or put some on and called my friends and more importantly, people who thought of me as a friend. I have seen artists I helped in the beginnings of their career, or came up with blow up, a few went on to make it big in the acting game as well. Both situations they became household names that you all know. No I am not goin to name them here, thats not important, so don't ask me, but yes artists and power brokers that you know by name.
When I was younger I had life mapped out and thought I was going to be owning my own company and be a major power broker in this business well before the age of 30. Now you like back and ask was I just talking, was I just dreaming, this isnt how its suppose to be. This isnt where I am suppose to be. It plays tricks on your mind and gets you to second guess yourself and God. You get the picture, anyway I sunk into sort of a deep depression, not one where you walk around with your head down and complain to everyone who will hear you, but one way worst. The kind you don’t even know you are going through. the kind where you are still operating like everything is okay, you know its not, but you just think it's just a matter of time before you are back. But the kind of depression where you don't even know that you are depressed. Needless to say things weren’t going so great. My career as a freelance writer was getting slower and slower and the publicity and promotions jobs were getting fewer and fewer. All my well-laid plans were falling thru one at a time like a stack of dominoes, which led to a series of dead-end temporary and part time jobs in factories, warehouses and supermarkets, which made me more miserable and I was constantly getting hurt on the job because I this wasn’t what I was meant to do and to be honest I was getting too old to do some of them, atleast starting at the bottom. Takin orders at a few of them from people 4-5 years older then my daughter who will 19 this year and is a freshman in college.
Add that to the fact there was truly no one I could talk to, no one. A few people tried to get it out of me but I might as well have been speaking another language because it became painfully obvious that couldn't feel me on it or didn't truly know where I was coming from. But then again that might be because I didn't truly understand what I was goin through myself so I guess it was hard for anyone else to comprehend. So I kept it to myself, kept it all inside and it was building inside of me til I felt I was goin to explode. Writing was always my way to get it out or expressing myself, it was therapeutic and up to this very minute I had the craziest writer's block. I would stare at the blinkin curser haunting me almost taunting me on my computer screen for hours and nothing would come out. Not a word! So now I'm having trouble doin what I do best. To sum it all up, basically it got so bad I was fighting for my very sanity and that's a place I have never been, didn't know how I got there, much less how to get out of it!
But with all that, with all I was goin thru, being depressed, getting divorced, having to start over again, through it all I find myself still standing. No matter what was thrown out me, no matter what self-inflicted situation I found myself in, I was still standing cause God kept lookin out for me. Lookin out for me when I wasnt lookin out for myself.
After hours of searchin for an apartment in downtown Atlanta and searching for any paying writing gigs I could get, sending at proposal to potential clients that showed some interest or were referred to me but someone else, I needed a computer break and went for a nice long 2-3 mile walk around 12:30am. I put on my Zune MP3 player and clicked on my gospel playlist I created and got to stepping. It full of all my favorite gospel songs that have helped me get thru certain situations in the past. Kurt Carr’s ‘God Blocked It,’ ‘Seasons’ and ‘Get Your Life Back’ by Donald Lawrence, ‘I Need You Now,’ by Smokie Noeful and my all-time favorite Yolanda Adams ‘In The Midst Of It All,’ hust to name a few. Yolanda's joint just does it for me I usually go and play it over and over a few times. I stepped in the local all night gas station, got something to drink and kept walking and this time I didn’t keep rewinding the Yolanda Adams song like I always do, but I did plan to cause the words were so fitting for what I was going thru.
Not because I've been so faithful
Not Because I've always obeyed
It's not because I trust him
To be with me all of the way
But it's because He loves me so dearly
He was there to answer my call
There always to protect me
For He's kept me in the midst of it all
Man that’s describes my situation now more than ever, not because I’ve been faithful, not because I’ve always obeyed. Not even because I trusted him…
CAUSE HE KEEPS ON LOOKIN’ OUT FOR ME
Every time I look back
And every time I think back
On all the stuff I've been through
I've prayed through I cried through
And then I tried you and just
When I was about to fall
Your love caught me when your name I called
Jesus you keep on lookin' out for me
Lookin’ Out For Me - Kirk Franklin
This past 12-18 months, maybe even longer, have been rough. I recently got divorced from the women I just knew God blessed me with to spend the rest of my days, and thought it was the end of the world. I was goin through a mid-life crisis, both professionally and personally. I am 42 years old and have been in the music business doin one thing or another for about 22 years.
I have seen my peers go on to be Editor-In-Chiefs of some of the biggest music publications out there and could get a return phone call. Get major jobs at some of the biggest record companies and a few went on to start their own thing and become successful. Most I was there and helped them when they were getting started. I'm not talking about someone you knew who they were because you have seen them a few times, I’m talking about people I came up with, helped or put some on and called my friends and more importantly, people who thought of me as a friend. I have seen artists I helped in the beginnings of their career, or came up with blow up, a few went on to make it big in the acting game as well. Both situations they became household names that you all know. No I am not goin to name them here, thats not important, so don't ask me, but yes artists and power brokers that you know by name.
When I was younger I had life mapped out and thought I was going to be owning my own company and be a major power broker in this business well before the age of 30. Now you like back and ask was I just talking, was I just dreaming, this isnt how its suppose to be. This isnt where I am suppose to be. It plays tricks on your mind and gets you to second guess yourself and God. You get the picture, anyway I sunk into sort of a deep depression, not one where you walk around with your head down and complain to everyone who will hear you, but one way worst. The kind you don’t even know you are going through. the kind where you are still operating like everything is okay, you know its not, but you just think it's just a matter of time before you are back. But the kind of depression where you don't even know that you are depressed. Needless to say things weren’t going so great. My career as a freelance writer was getting slower and slower and the publicity and promotions jobs were getting fewer and fewer. All my well-laid plans were falling thru one at a time like a stack of dominoes, which led to a series of dead-end temporary and part time jobs in factories, warehouses and supermarkets, which made me more miserable and I was constantly getting hurt on the job because I this wasn’t what I was meant to do and to be honest I was getting too old to do some of them, atleast starting at the bottom. Takin orders at a few of them from people 4-5 years older then my daughter who will 19 this year and is a freshman in college.
Add that to the fact there was truly no one I could talk to, no one. A few people tried to get it out of me but I might as well have been speaking another language because it became painfully obvious that couldn't feel me on it or didn't truly know where I was coming from. But then again that might be because I didn't truly understand what I was goin through myself so I guess it was hard for anyone else to comprehend. So I kept it to myself, kept it all inside and it was building inside of me til I felt I was goin to explode. Writing was always my way to get it out or expressing myself, it was therapeutic and up to this very minute I had the craziest writer's block. I would stare at the blinkin curser haunting me almost taunting me on my computer screen for hours and nothing would come out. Not a word! So now I'm having trouble doin what I do best. To sum it all up, basically it got so bad I was fighting for my very sanity and that's a place I have never been, didn't know how I got there, much less how to get out of it!
But with all that, with all I was goin thru, being depressed, getting divorced, having to start over again, through it all I find myself still standing. No matter what was thrown out me, no matter what self-inflicted situation I found myself in, I was still standing cause God kept lookin out for me. Lookin out for me when I wasnt lookin out for myself.
After hours of searchin for an apartment in downtown Atlanta and searching for any paying writing gigs I could get, sending at proposal to potential clients that showed some interest or were referred to me but someone else, I needed a computer break and went for a nice long 2-3 mile walk around 12:30am. I put on my Zune MP3 player and clicked on my gospel playlist I created and got to stepping. It full of all my favorite gospel songs that have helped me get thru certain situations in the past. Kurt Carr’s ‘God Blocked It,’ ‘Seasons’ and ‘Get Your Life Back’ by Donald Lawrence, ‘I Need You Now,’ by Smokie Noeful and my all-time favorite Yolanda Adams ‘In The Midst Of It All,’ hust to name a few. Yolanda's joint just does it for me I usually go and play it over and over a few times. I stepped in the local all night gas station, got something to drink and kept walking and this time I didn’t keep rewinding the Yolanda Adams song like I always do, but I did plan to cause the words were so fitting for what I was going thru.
Not because I've been so faithful
Not Because I've always obeyed
It's not because I trust him
To be with me all of the way
But it's because He loves me so dearly
He was there to answer my call
There always to protect me
For He's kept me in the midst of it all
Man that’s describes my situation now more than ever, not because I’ve been faithful, not because I’ve always obeyed. Not even because I trusted him…
but because He loves me so dearly.
Well as I was walking back to my cousin's house I’m staying at for the time being, which was suppose to be a few weeks and has turned into a few months, just one more thing to that was bothering me, I should of had a place of my own by now, but... I heard a few more songs and was just about to go back to, 'In The Midst Of It All'
Well as I was walking back to my cousin's house I’m staying at for the time being, which was suppose to be a few weeks and has turned into a few months, just one more thing to that was bothering me, I should of had a place of my own by now, but... I heard a few more songs and was just about to go back to, 'In The Midst Of It All'
when I heard the words...
Every time I look back
And every time I think back
On all the stuff I've been through
I've prayed through I cried through
And then I tried you and just
When I was about to fall
Your love caught me when your name I called
Jesus you keep on lookin' out for me
Tears almost came to my eyes while I walked the dark suburban streets (not many street lights in this area) to get back home. Everything I have been through, everything I have prayed through and cried through…. When I was about to fall, His love caught me when His name I called, cause Jesus keeps lookin’ out for me. And not it not cause I’m worthy but to quote my other favorite jam, cause He still hears 'A Sinner’s Prayer'.
Now I haven’t written in my daily devotional blog or my personal journal in more than three months, maybe longer i lost track, I haven’t been doin what I was suppose to be doin, I haven’t been reading the His word much and Lord knows I haven’t been making time for him, but God still has my back, and I am still standing cause He keeps looking out for me.
I wanted to scream and shout at the top of my lungs, now being its well after 1:30 at this time I couldn’t shout like I wanted to in this residential area, cause I’m sure that cops would have met me at the end of the long street before I got home, they call cops quick around here. Forget the cops they shoot first around here. So I ran home quietly, washed up, poured myself something to drink and jumped on my laptap and banged this out for my blog entry. I know I am suppose to share my testimonies and my previous entries have encouraged and inspired other. God has given me this gift of expression. But I haven't been using it, atleast not for what he intended.
I just had to jot down how blessed I am, even if I have lost my soulmate, a lot of my material things, even if I have less money than I ever had at any point of my life. I am no where near where I want to be or think I should be but I am more blessed and spiritually richer than I have ever been. I have grown more in my spiritual walk in the past 6 months than I have in teh past 6 years. And I need to remind myself of that sometimes. While I am not where I want to be, I thank God that I am also no where near where I used to be. Once I looked at the fact that I am still standing instead of thinking of all that was wrong, all I don't have and what I havent accomplished compared to others, I realized how blessed I truly am. How God must have a plan for me because Im still here. And how He keeps on lookin’ out for me and I had to share it with all of you. This is my testimony!
I shouldn't be here today
And when I look back on all my mistakes
If it hadn't been for your grace
I don't know where I'd be where I'd go
Who can love me like you do
And who can hold me when I'm going through
Jesus you keep on lookin' out for me
Father God thank you for always having my back, for always lookin out for me. Even when I don’t deserve it, even when I don’t always obey and when I am not always faithful. Lord you still come when I call. You never turn your back. Father God thank you for another chance to get it right. Father God thank you for allowing me to see another day a beautiful day I have never seen before. Thank you for another day to be a blessing for someone else. For allowing me being in a reasonable portion of my right mind, body and health, even though I currently have no health care benefits and can't afford to spell doctor much less see one. Thank you Lord for allowing me to have a roof over my head another night Lord. Father God I just wanna say thank you because I am nuthin without you but with you I can do anything.
In the name of your Son
Jesus the Christ, Lord and Master
I pray, I praise your name and I give thanx.
AMEN
AMEN
AMEN!!!!!
Every time I look back
And every time I think back
On all the stuff I've been through
I've prayed through I cried through
And then I tried you and just
When I was about to fall
Your love caught me when your name I called
Jesus you keep on lookin' out for me
Tears almost came to my eyes while I walked the dark suburban streets (not many street lights in this area) to get back home. Everything I have been through, everything I have prayed through and cried through…. When I was about to fall, His love caught me when His name I called, cause Jesus keeps lookin’ out for me. And not it not cause I’m worthy but to quote my other favorite jam, cause He still hears 'A Sinner’s Prayer'.
Now I haven’t written in my daily devotional blog or my personal journal in more than three months, maybe longer i lost track, I haven’t been doin what I was suppose to be doin, I haven’t been reading the His word much and Lord knows I haven’t been making time for him, but God still has my back, and I am still standing cause He keeps looking out for me.
I wanted to scream and shout at the top of my lungs, now being its well after 1:30 at this time I couldn’t shout like I wanted to in this residential area, cause I’m sure that cops would have met me at the end of the long street before I got home, they call cops quick around here. Forget the cops they shoot first around here. So I ran home quietly, washed up, poured myself something to drink and jumped on my laptap and banged this out for my blog entry. I know I am suppose to share my testimonies and my previous entries have encouraged and inspired other. God has given me this gift of expression. But I haven't been using it, atleast not for what he intended.
I just had to jot down how blessed I am, even if I have lost my soulmate, a lot of my material things, even if I have less money than I ever had at any point of my life. I am no where near where I want to be or think I should be but I am more blessed and spiritually richer than I have ever been. I have grown more in my spiritual walk in the past 6 months than I have in teh past 6 years. And I need to remind myself of that sometimes. While I am not where I want to be, I thank God that I am also no where near where I used to be. Once I looked at the fact that I am still standing instead of thinking of all that was wrong, all I don't have and what I havent accomplished compared to others, I realized how blessed I truly am. How God must have a plan for me because Im still here. And how He keeps on lookin’ out for me and I had to share it with all of you. This is my testimony!
I shouldn't be here today
And when I look back on all my mistakes
If it hadn't been for your grace
I don't know where I'd be where I'd go
Who can love me like you do
And who can hold me when I'm going through
Jesus you keep on lookin' out for me
Father God thank you for always having my back, for always lookin out for me. Even when I don’t deserve it, even when I don’t always obey and when I am not always faithful. Lord you still come when I call. You never turn your back. Father God thank you for another chance to get it right. Father God thank you for allowing me to see another day a beautiful day I have never seen before. Thank you for another day to be a blessing for someone else. For allowing me being in a reasonable portion of my right mind, body and health, even though I currently have no health care benefits and can't afford to spell doctor much less see one. Thank you Lord for allowing me to have a roof over my head another night Lord. Father God I just wanna say thank you because I am nuthin without you but with you I can do anything.
In the name of your Son
Jesus the Christ, Lord and Master
I pray, I praise your name and I give thanx.
AMEN
AMEN
AMEN!!!!!
Labels: AJ 'AJ ROK' Woodson, daily devotion
posted by AJ WOODSON at 4/10/2008 03:04:00 AM
3 Comments:
Now this is what I call Peace!! I love the fact that you are so honest in your feelings. And I feel you on every word you wrote from the depths of your heart. And I know what it is like to feel like you have lost everything. You are right on more things than one though, and that's God always has your back, and that your are here for a purpose.I pray that your writers block stays blocked all the days of your life!! And that your pen flows forever like your heart did in this piece here. Glad to see your passion for writing is back on the map,or should I say GLOBE!!! Peace and Blessings, One Love - Queen Nia Siza
AJ most people in our society aren't able to share or admit their flaws like you've done to the public but you might have to consider it a gift.
Kind of reminds me of Tyler Perry's story of being homeless and sleeping in his car, now he's one of the top movie makers in Hollywood. Tyler's magic ingredient seems to be life's tragedies along with being able to overcome it.
Take Care
dd
I could relate to some of this: the 'I should be further now' thinking and how certain songs catch you. Kirk F is so open in his music - no matter how bad I feel, no matter how condemned - I can listen to him and Fred H.
Loved the line about you couldn't jump up and shout because of the police.
Thank you for sharing this.
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