Makin' The Pieces Fit!!!!

“Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord.”
Lamentations 3:40


I have always been a pretty independent person; I was always someone who thought he had all the answers. No matter what I always managed to find away out of the situation. No matter how shattered things were in my life I always took pride that I always seem to find a way to make the pieces fit.
Then one day came the scariest realization than much to my surprise, I was never in control at all. Even when I didn’t put my faith in God, god was guiding my path and ordering my steps.
I have come to truly trust the Lord, but the flesh comes through more times than not. Even though I know what I should do, I have moments when I still have trouble not knowing what my next move is. I still have trouble depending on anyone even though I know god has blessed me and surrounded me with angels.
God blesses my family with a financial blessing, but not through me, but instead through my wife. The money still is a blessing but it wasn’t me that got us out of our situation. While I know it was a blessing from God, the human side- the Macho Manly side, gets slightly depressed, feeling a little like a failure, because in another situation it appears my wife bailed us out. Once again I’m in a situation where I am depending on someone else instead of being able to make it happen for my family
I was always able to make the pieces fit so I thought. But the more I put my faith in the Lord the more the pieces don’t fit. I have come to find out this is a test to see what I will do. Will I continue to believe or will I go back to my old ways and try to make the pieces fit myself. Then I beat myself up for not being thankful for the blessing, but depressed I can’t get us out of what trouble has come our way.
Another thing that gets me in trouble is a lack or patience. God have given my vision and dreams and I go all out trying hard to make them come into fruition. I try to get ahead of God and run with it myself. Then God gets my attention and tells me to slow down. “I have only given you a glimpse of the vision to keep you going.” But I don’t wait for Him to make a way to provide the provision that accompanies that vision.

“The vision is for an appointed time.
Though it tarry, wait earnestly for it, for it will surely come.”
Habakkuk 2:3

I know writing is one talent/ gift He has blessed me with to inspire, encourage and uplift others. To affect others in a positive way, with the gift or paint pictures with words. But even with this blog I don’t write daily, I get the subject matter to write about and don’t do it because I am worrying about how bills are going to get paid. Which results in trying to me, once again take matters into my own hands and getting in my own way. More importantly, getting in Gods way! Its not that I don’t have faith, it’s not that I don’t believe but I won’t let go and let God.
If I didn’t know better that would be one thing, but I do know better and I don’t do it which is worst.

Somewhere in the New Testament, Paul talks about what he knows he should do he doesn’t and what he shouldn’t do he does. So instead of beating myself up I am praying for God to forgive me and thanking Him for all He has done.

Lord in this quiet moment
I again surrender my will to you
Thank You for the dreams and desires You’ve placed in my heart. I choose to trust in You and wait for Your plan to bring them to pass. I know you are faithful, and I thank You for guiding and directing my every step. And please forgive me for the moments of weakness when I still resort to my old ways and get in my own way and block my blessing. Thank You for not giving up on me, my Heavenly Father and being there even when I am not worthy.
In the name of your son Jesus Christ, Lord and Master also known as The Savior
I pray and praise Your name
Amen
Amen
Amen

This concludes today’s rant!!!!